


Private Lives

by Emilys_List



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-19
Updated: 2004-09-19
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:44:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilys_List/pseuds/Emilys_List
Summary: "I think very few people are completely normal really, deep down in their private lives."  Sequel to 'Trying to Fight Gravity' and 'Tick Tock & Honesty.'





	Private Lives

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Private Lives, or How Do You Solve a Problem Like Amelia**

**by: emily's list**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Amy  
**Pairing(s):** Josh /Donna, Amy/OFC  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** ADULT  
**Summary:** "I think very few people are completely normal really, deep down in their private lives." sequel to 'trying to fight gravity' and 'tick tock & honesty.'  
**Author's Note:** In case you are interested, and I hope you are, I am slightly stealing some of Noel Coward's concepts from "Private Lives." more to the point, I am stealing the title of that wonderful play, plus a line from the play for the summary. (II) I sort of went off on HRW and the Feminist Majority. This is in no reflection of reality or my opinion. I just figured that Amy would argue ferociously with anyone she dated. (III) If you need to picture Amy's significant other, I had Eliza Dushku in my head. Just so you know :) (IV) This was actually started when I disliked Amy greatly - such was my love for Josh/Donna. I thought the way to fix her was to make her gay... and then I found out that everyone writes Amy gay! Whether they like her or not. so I'm happy to give Amy a girlfriend; everyone needs some lovin'. (V) Much love to willa and dianora for their beta reading! These women helped me so much. 

December 2005 

Josh sat at his desk, half-listening to Donna brief him about his schedule for the upcoming week. She paused for a moment and, noticing that he wasn't completely listening to her, made a note to delete a section that said Recreational Staff Time in Our Bedroom. 

"I want to take you to Bermuda." 

"Hmm. No." 

"...I just asked you to go to Bermuda!" 

"Well since you put it that way, no." 

"Donna," he whined. 

"I'm not going to be one of your women, Josh. You took Mandy to St. Thomas and you tried to take Amy to Tahiti and I know all of this because I made the arrangements." 

"Donna, if you don't want to book our flight, I'll do it." 

"Right, that's actually not the point. I'm not going because it wouldn't make me different from them." 

He thought for a moment. "You're blonde." Donna slammed the stack of folders onto his desk, and retreated angrily to the other side of the room. "Wanting to go away with you shouldn't make you pissed off! We can get away from Washington. You can force me to do stupid tourist things." He walked over to her, and stood inches away. He lowered his voice. "I want to spend time alone with you." 

Her face softened for a moment, but then she shook her head. She backed up, turning away. "I'm still saying no." 

Josh walked up behind her, laying one hand on her hip. "I want to make love to you in an exotic location. Be adventurous," he whispered into her ear. 

"How about we just have sex on top of your dresser?" she asked, turning to face him. 

"While that's an excellent idea you should file away for later, how about we go to Bermuda. Is your objection Bermuda? We can go to Key West." 

"I can't believe this conversation has lasted this long. This is not about locale, and you're being idiotic. Besides the fact that you can't go anywhere for at least -- two months." Donna flipped through his planner and found the page she was looking for. "You have a weekend in seven weeks." 

"WE have a weekend." 

"Okay, we." 

"Key West?" 

"No." Donna handed him his coat and helped him put it on. "This is what you do when you're wooing women. That's why I'm not going." 

"I don't have to woo you. I already wooed you." 

"Well, I may need a refresher wooing." 

"So let's go to Bermuda!" 

She pushed him out the door and into the bullpen. "Okay, just in case you didn't hear it last time, I'm giving you an emphatic no. Meeting with the President. I'll see you later." 

He stood in the bullpen for a moment, and went back into his office. "What are you doing in my office?" She stood over his desk, her back turned to him. 

"I'm working, Josh." 

"In my office?" Donna glanced at him as she walked around to the other side of the desk and sat in his chair. 

"Is that a problem?" 

"N-- no. Of course not." 

"You're going to be late, Josh." 

He gripped the molding, pressing his lips together. "Seriously. Key West. Or a Saint Anything." He walked away as she shouted "NO!" at the top of her lungs. 

Donna sat for a moment, slumped in the chair. She let a frown pull on her face as she looked out into the bullpen. 

Her feet ached, she realized, and she glared down at her heels. 

The shoes were fantastic: Dark grey silk. Pointy. Strappy. High-heeled. There were probably more adjectives she could ascribe to her new shoes, but that was good enough. 

An important addition to the list, though, would have to be: Painful. 

She pulled them off, feeling immediate relief. Donna limped out of Josh's office, and mumbled under her breath about shoes that can only be worn for four hours. 

Her entire desktop was covered with brochures. "Visit Salzburg!" "Vienna: Romance is All Around." "Ski Austria." And many, many more. 

She picked up a brochure about Innsbruck and sat down to read it. 

"I thought it was about time that we got you on skis," he said quietly from behind her. 

Her head jerked up, and she turned her chair to look at him. "Were you lurking?" 

Josh shrugged. "I thought I'd give you a moment." He leaned against the filing cabinets, as if uncomfortable in this space. "Before you say anything, let me paint you a little scenario, okay? Ski equipment. Me, falling on my ass. You, being absolutely graceful in an annoying way." He walked closer, and sat on her desk. "Buying expensive, Austrian... chandeliers or chocolate or livestock. Whatever." 

She put down the brochure and looked up at him. "The only reason I'm saying yes is because of the livestock." She looked away, her lips pursed. She picked up a brochure about Mozart and Salzburg. Without looking up, she asked, "Was that whole thing before -- a tropical location -- was that just a ruse?" 

He shook his head. "This was Plan B." 

They sat together silently for a moment. 

"This is very sweet," she said quietly, looking at but not reading the pamphlet in her hands. He leaned forward, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. "So where in Austria?" 

Josh sat back. "Wherever you want. Let me know and I'll arrange the whole thing." 

"Where did you get all of these?" she asked, her eyes sweeping across her messy desktop. 

"I made a couple calls." He stood up, moving away from her desk. "Think about it, okay?" 

She nodded solemnly, watching his face. When his expression turned unreadable, she squinted up at him. "What's that face for?" 

His face changed as his brow furrowed and his lips curled into a half smile. "What? It's nothing -- it's... I don't know how you make me feel this way." Josh cleared his throat, straightening up. "My meeting." She nodded and watched him leave. 

Donna glanced at Josh's schedule for the week. As she had a moment, she added Recreational Staff Time in Our Bedroom back to the agenda. 

+++++ 

February 2006 

"This is incredibly beautiful," she muttered sporadically. She smoothed her hand over the check-in desk. 

Josh looked through the faxes he'd already received. "Hey, CJ said we made the Drudge Report. ‘White House Staffers Cavort in Europe at Taxpayers' Expense.' I'd show him my Amex bill, but I think that would just get me into more trouble." 

"We're not cavorting." 

"Not yet." 

Donna pocketed the keycard as the finished up at the check-in desk. "The private park owned by the hotel covers eighteen acres." 

They were directed to accompany the bellboy, and they followed eagerly behind him. 

"Donna, please tell me this concludes your general information briefing about our hotel." Josh took her hand as she tried to look indignant. 

"You know, it's really unfortunate that you don't appreciate 18th century architecture," she told him as they entered the elevator. The bellboy glanced over occasionally but did not make direct eye contact. 

"It's completely unfortunate and I am duly ashamed," he said dryly. 

They were quiet for the rest of the ride: Donna, Josh, and Franz. 

\+ 

She watched them in horror, and breathed a large sigh of relief when she saw them leave the lobby. She was so wrapped up in the couple, she barely noticed the brunette who appeared at her side. "We're all checked in, honey." 

Amy looked up from her slouched position in the lobby chair. "Great. Amazing. Let's go to another hotel." 

Jamie Rosenberg sat on one expansive arm of the chair, and leaned closer to her girlfriend. "We're set. They're meeting us up there with the bags. Why do you want to leave?" 

Amy glanced around suspiciously, as if Josh and Donna would pop out at her. "Never mind. Let's just... let's get upstairs. And drink copious amounts of alcohol." She stalked towards the elevators, with a confused Jamie following her. 

\+ 

"This is really too beautiful," she said, embracing him tightly. 

He would have appreciated a bit more air. "I agree. It really is. Can you just... loosen your arms... a little?" 

Donna let go and stood there smiling. He smiled back. 

"What now?" he asked, sitting down on the bed. 

She opened her suitcase and rummaged around for her favorite dress, which needed to be ironed. "Are you asking me what I'd like to do?" 

"...should I regret that?" 

Donna beamed at him, feeling so content she felt like her head could fall off. "I need an iron. And you shouldn't regret it. Not at all. We should have an early dinner and then come back to go to bed. Early." 

He stood, trying to shake off exhaustion. He'd worked eighteen hours on the previous day so they could leave on schedule. The idea of an early bedtime sounded wonderful. But by the appearance of her slinky, black dress, he knew actual sleeping would be an illusion. 

"I'm going to call the concierge about a restaurant. Do I need a shower?" 

She shook her hair out of its ponytail. "I already know where I want to go. Alter Rathauskeller. It's historical, it's below town hall, and--" 

"I'm sold, Donna, it sounds great. I'll call them now." He pulled items out of his pockets: wallet, keys, and one keycard for their room. "We only got one keycard." 

"Go get another. You can ask about the restaurant while you're there," she told him, ironing the front of her dress. "Why did you ask me if you needed a shower?" 

"I don't know. You usually know that information." He put the card back in his pocket, and walked towards the door. On the way, he stopped at the ironing board to put his arms around Donna. "Any chance you'll iron a dress shirt for me?" He kissed her neck, and rubbed the palm of his hand across her abdomen. 

"There's very little chance," she replied, sinking backwards into him. Her eyes closed, and she put the iron down for a moment. 

He breathed in the scent of her hair. "That's pretty much what I thought." Josh pulled away slowly, unwillingly. "I'll be back in a minute." 

She smiled a deep, relaxed smile at him as he opened the door. "Okay." She returned her attention to ironing the front of her dress 

\+ 

"We should have gotten a Smoking room," Jamie said as she glared at the ‘No Smoking' symbol on their door. "I'm going to have to go all the way outside." 

"Do you want to switch rooms?" Amy asked, exasperated, as they entered their hotel room. 

Jamie shrugged. "Whatever you want to do." 

"Now that's a lie, if I've ever heard one," Amy drawled, shutting the door. She walked towards her girlfriend. 

Jamie leaned in to kiss her. "If you wanted to prance downstairs and find out about making a switch, that would be great." She kissed Amy, wrapping one arm around her neck. The other went to her waist, stroking the soft skin under her shirt. 

"I don't prance," Amy replied as she pulled away from their kiss. "I can go see if they have any smoking rooms, or I could just call." 

Jamie tugged on one of Amy's belt loops. "I don't really care about a smoking room. We have a balcony. I was going to get champagne while you went out. It would be a surprise." 

"It's not a surprise now." Amy ran her hand up and down Jamie's forearm. 

"True. But if you go downstairs, hang out, and come back up... there will be a surprise waiting for you." She kissed her softly. "See? It's still a surprise." 

Amy closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes. I'm all a-tingle with surprise." She took their keycard and exited the room. As she walked towards the elevator, she couldn't shake the smile on her face. Something about the last few months had been soul-affirming and sexy. She had felt exhilarated, and she loved every moment with Jamie. She had met the unexpected and she liked what she found. 

The doors opened and she faced Josh Lyman. 

Her smile faded as her face went pale. 

\+ 

"Crap, I knew I forgot something," she mumbled as she stepped on the elevator. Josh stared at her, confused, clearly believing he'd stepped into an Alternate Universe. 

"What are you doing here?" He smiled, his expression freezing in disbelief. He moved to hug her, and the movement was awkward. They hadn't seen each other in two years. 

"How are you?" she asked, not sure whether to be thrilled or horrified. I should've changed hotels, she thought. When he didn't respond, and just stared at her, she asked her question again. 

Josh nodded, his head continuously bobbing even when he started speaking. "Good. Good. I'm well, I'm... good. Everything is-- Amy, what are you doing here?" 

"I'm here with someone. We're just taking a weekend together." She noticed her lack of pronouns, but she knew he wouldn't realize that. "Are you here with...?" 

She wasn't sure why she asked. She saw who he was with, but there was a masochistic part of her that wanted to hear him say it. 

He stopped moving his head. "Yes, I am." They looked at each other. There was little else to look at in their confined space. "We're together. She and I." 

Amy fidgeted with her hair nervously. "Yeah, I heard that somewhere. How's it, you know, how's it going?" 

"It's great," he said sharply. "And you... I heard you were dating someone." 

"I am dating someone," she said quickly. 

The elevator dinged, and they both exited gratefully. 

Then they both walked towards the check-in desk, awkward to be going to the same location. When they got to the desk, they waited in line. Silently. 

"So you're with...?" 

"Feminist Majority." 

"Right. How do you like it?" 

"It's great." 

"Great. That's good to hear." 

"I really like it." 

Silence. 

"So, I'm just wondering, uh, if you wouldn't mind me asking--" 

"Jamie Rosenberg," she said quickly. 

Josh cocked his head to the side. "That name sounds familiar. Is he with Amnesty?" 

"She. She is with Human Rights Watch. She's the Deputy Director of the Women's Rights Division." 

"She," Josh repeated. 

"Yeah. Unbelievable, isn't it." She wasn't sure if her words were sarcastic or not. 

"It's just you... always liked men. A lot." 

Her lips curved into a small smile. "I'm not sure what you're implying, Josh." She crossed her arms. "I like her, so we're dating." 

"Hey, I'm... I'm all for it," he told her, staring at the floor. "Whatever makes you happy, Amy." 

"Well, thank you. I think." She took in his shorter, close-cropped hair. His sweater, which was the perfect color and the perfect fit. His jeans, which were the expensive kind of beat up. "Donna's had an impact on you." 

"Donna's always had an impact on me." 

"Now it's undeniable," she said. The clerk asked who was next, and Amy volunteered Josh. "I'm just down here until she says I can come back up." 

"I'm going to need another keycard," Josh requested of the clerk. The young man nodded shortly, took some information, and went in search of a more experienced clerk. 

"So, why are you waiting down here?" he asked Amy. 

"She wanted to order champagne as a surprise. Jamie sent me to request a change of rooms, but she really just wanted me out." 

"What's wrong with your room?" Josh leaned against the counter, and stifled a yawn. 

"Jamie wanted a smoking room, but she didn't actually want a smoking room." 

"Does she smoke?" 

"Yes." 

"But she doesn't want a sm--" 

"Don't commit any brain power to it. It's not worth it." She leaned against the counter facing him. "So. Josh and Donna, together at last." 

He pulled at the neck of his sweater. "Yeah. It's hot, isn't it? Like someone cranked the heat up. It's winter, but it's kinda feels like Bermuda." 

"It doesn't feel like Bermuda." 

"It does." 

"Does not." 

At some point, one or both of them realized they were engaging in eighth grade-style flirting. They stopped immediately, trying to block their visceral reactions to each other. 

"Why did you give me her resume?" Josh asked, tapping his keycard on the counter. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"'This is my girlfriend, Leader of the Radical Feministas.' What was that about?" 

Amy's mouth stayed partially open, shocked by his words and his audacity. She had forgotten about his audacity. "I was giving you a reference. You have meetings with HRW, I thought you may have met her. I was being courteous, and you're a jackass." She sighed, annoyed. "I did not give you her resume. I was just--" 

"Sir, here is your extra keycard," the nervous clerk explained. "We also have a message for you from... Leo McGarry?" The clerk handed the note over the counter. "I hope you enjoy your stay, sir." 

"Thanks," Josh said. He turned to Amy. "Thank you for keeping me company. I need to head upstairs." He unfolded the note, and began to read Leo's message. 

"Why didn't he just call?" 

"Are you looking over my shoulder?" 

"I'm saying, why didn't he just leave the message on your voicemail?" 

"He has a flair for the dramatic... are you following me?" 

"My champagne should be ready," she said loftily. They walked to the elevators, and both watched the numbers light up as they waited. "Donna's a sweet girl, Josh. You're lucky to have her." 

The elevator opened and three Japanese tourists came wandering out. Josh and Amy piled in with a small group of women. In the tight space, they were crammed closely together. 

"Please don't say that," Josh said, his voice flat. 

"I said she was sweet." 

"A, you don't like her. B, you don't like her so you're being demeaning. C, you--" 

"Josh, that's just a bit too much planning on your part. I like her. Really. You two are adorable. It's cute. Good luck with that." 

The elevator stopped, and the women got out. They were alone together again. 

"I've never had someone be rude while congratulating me. It's new for me," Josh said uncomfortably. 

"Seriously, Josh, I'm happy for you. But this isn't long-term... you know that, don't you? First of all, you have your host of emotional problems about leaving, being left, and I don't know what else. Donna is caring, devoted, and extraordinarily blind to all of your faults. What kind of relationship is that?" 

"I'm going to ask her to marry me," he blurted out as the elevator doors opened onto Amy's floor. 

"Oh," she said. She stepped out, gingerly. "Congratulations." 

"She hasn't said yes yet. But... thanks." Amy walked down the hallway, dazed. "Amy." She turned around as he stopped the elevator from closing with his hand. "Have a good weekend." 

She stood there, wanting to cry and vomit. She wanted to be happy for him, and them. So she pulled a smile on. "I will. Thank you." Amy turned around, and began to walk down the hallway. 

Suddenly she turned back. Her mouth went dry as she gasped, "Josh." 

He looked at her curiously. "Yes." 

"You, too." 

He laughed, nervously. "'You, too' what? What does that mean?" 

"I hope you have a good weekend, too." She flashed another smile as she headed back to her room and her girlfriend. 

\+ 

Josh opened the door, visibly shaken. 

But Donna was concentrating on the mirror, pulling her hair back into a messy knot, bobby pins placed between her lips. "Did you gedd da keycrdd?" 

"Did I what?" he asked, confused. 

She chuckled, pulling the pins out of her mouth. "Did you get the keycard?" 

He held up the evidence. "I need to get changed." 

"Okay. How do I look?" She put one last pin in her hair, and turned towards him. Josh stared at her. She returned his stare with a curious look as he advanced on her, and kissed her with urgency. 

"So I look... okay?" 

"I love that dress," he murmured against her mouth after he kissed her a second time. 

"I know, me too," she whispered with a laugh as she put her arms around his neck. 

He touched the spaghetti straps of her dress, and ran his hand down to her shoulder to where flaps of chiffon lightly rested. Josh admired the graceful nape of her neck as he pulled both arms tightly around her. "I need a suit?" 

"Me in this, and you in jeans and a sweater. Sounds about right." She removed her arms and went searching for her make up bag. "Did you get us a reservation?" 

He sat on the bed and thought about Amy. "Hmm? No. I forgot." He picked up the phone to call Leo. When he finished dialing, he hung up. Josh realized he had momentarily lost his attention span. 

"Why were you down there so long?" 

"The... clerk. He was new. I'll call down now." 

"That's okay," she said, sitting next to the bedside table. "I'll take care of it. Get dressed." 

Josh stood slowly, wandering towards his messy suitcase that he had insisted on packing himself -- for one specific reason. He spotted the robin's egg blue box and tucked it further away. 

He found a suit and dress shirt, and looked around for a tie. He pulled out two and turned towards Donna. "Which one?" 

She was on hold with the concierge, so she only pointed to the dark blue tie. 

"You know," he said, laying his clothes on the bed, "There's something I really need to tell you." 

"Yes?" she said into the phone. "Great. Thank you." Donna hung up the phone. "We have a table at seven. Quick dinner. Back to bed." She smiled up at him from her seat on the bed. "You needed to tell me something?" 

"Yes," he said gravely. But then he just couldn't find the words he was looking for. 

He told her he loved her, and bent to kiss her. 

\+ 

They drank champagne as Amy explained her run-in with Josh. Jamie nodded, listening carefully. She refilled her glass three times in the span of five minutes. 

"This is... that's nice. Good! I'm glad. What a..." She put her glass down and laid down on the bed. "Out of everywhere in the world." Jamie shook her head, and her long brown curls shook with her. "This... sucks." 

Amy lay down carefully on her side. "Don't think about this. I'll worry about it." 

"I'm here, too," Jamie countered, suddenly feeling exhausted. 

"I mean, I don't want you to worry about it." Amy moved closer, draping her arm around Jamie's middle. She tapped her fingers absentmindedly on her girlfriend's side. 

"Maybe you didn't really see him? It was an optical illusion. Or jet lag." 

"Yeah, jet lag doesn't usually make me see Josh." 

She flinched to hear his name. "What do we do now?" 

"I can think of a few things," Amy said, her voice dropping seductively low. 

"Now what did I say about using that voice in bed? It creeps me out." Smiling, she pulled Amy's face to hers and kissed her. 

\+ 

"I'm not really sure why you're carrying me," Donna said to the man doing the carrying. 

"You're drunk, and you can't walk well when you're drunk. This is more economical." 

"Well, first, I'm not drunk. I had one glass of wine. If you had just listened to me when I told you that my new shoes were killing me--" 

"I always listen to you," he interrupted. He set her down at their door and realized she had just made her point. "Why don't I just let you talk?" 

"I wasn't having trouble walking, I was bleeding from these satanic new heels." She shook the shoes in her hand for emphasis. "I took off my shoes in the cab, and then you carried me when we got here and wouldn't let me talk." 

"I was being helpful." 

"You carried me." 

He wasn't sure what to say, except to repeat, "I was being helpful." 

She sighed, removing his scarf. "If you want to be helpful, Prince Charming, maybe you could...?" She gestured towards the door. 

Josh fumbled through his pocket and produced their keycard. "Prince Charming always delivers." He opened the door and followed her inside. 

Donna threw her shoes on the floor, and immediately retreated to the bathroom. "I'm just gonna take my hair out." 

He paused, a disgusted expression filling his face. "I know what you're talking about, but that's still--" 

"Settle down, I'll be out in a minute." 

He bent over his suitcase, rummaging around to unearth the ring box one more time. He didn't actually look at the ring -- just the box. He held it in his hands, and tried to picture presenting it to her. 

He just couldn't see it. 

When she came out of the bathroom, she let out a stage cough to draw his attention. Josh quickly threw the box into his suitcase, and shut it. He turned to look at her. 

She had taken the pins out, so her hair hung in curly waves. Her dress and undergarments had been removed, and in their place was a gauzy orange robe. "I thought I would make an entrance." 

He opened his mouth to say something, but with the ring box that had just been in his hand and the way she looked right now, he found speech difficult to find. He nodded instead. 

She walked towards him, shutting off lights on her way. 

"You weren't kidding about dinner then bed, were you," he said. 

"Nope." She flipped off the bedside lamp. 

"I love that on you," he said hoarsely. 

"I know." She stood in front of him, and kissed the underside of his chin. "Take your jacket off. Stay awhile." 

Josh shed his jacket quickly, and threw it on the bed. He started to loosen his tie when her hands stopped him. 

"Slow," she said, giving him a small smile and a seductive look. He watched her remove the knot from his tie; when he closed his eyes, he felt her remove it. "Why'd you close your eyes?" 

He kept them closed. "I feel more of you," he confided. 

"I haven't even done anything yet," she whispered in his ear. Her arms encircled his waist, and drew his hands behind his back. 

"Donna, what are you..." He didn't finish his sentence as he felt her tie his hands with his necktie. "This is different." She chuckled her reply. Donna led him two steps to the bed, where he sat, his eyes still closed. She unbuttoned his shirt at an excruciating pace. "Donna, I'm actually gonna die in a second." 

She knelt between his knees. 

"I'm... probably gonna implode," he muttered as he attempted to take deep breaths. 

She unbuckled his belt hastily, unzipping his pants. "Lift your hips," she ordered. He leaned back on his elbows as she slid his pants down and off his legs. 

Donna's dominatrix attitude was lifted when she snickered at his Harry Potter boxers. 

When her snickers led to an outburst of laughter, he nudged her with his knee. "Hey, you bought them." 

"I didn't think you'd wear them," she told him when her laughter subsided. 

"I like your laugh," he noted. "Come here." 

Donna returned to the task at hand, and removed the boxers while holding in a chuckle. 

She pulled them down slowly, leaving them around his ankles. Putting her hands on his upper thighs, she bent her head down and licked the tip of his cock. His hips involuntarily jumped, and she grinned. She took him into her mouth. Slowly. 

"I have to touch you," he whispered, panting. 

She kept him in her mouth for a moment, applying sucking pressure. When she pulled away, she looked up at him. 

"Get up here," he said. 

She ignored him again and put her mouth back on his cock, taking him all the way into her mouth, her head rising and falling on his cock. 

"If you... don't stop... that's it for tonight." 

She stopped. 

"I mean, don't stop, but... I'm tired and I really don't want to be confessing this, okay?" His voice was weak and lust-filled. She sat back on her folded legs. "If we can just... skip ahead?" 

"You're going to have to ask nicely," she said, standing up. Her hands fell to the sash of her robe. 

"Do I have to call you Mistress Donna?" 

"No, but I do have this fantasy of you calling me Ms. Moss while we have sex on your desk." 

"...okay, you're really not helping. I did mention this would be it tonight, right?" 

Donna pulled her robe off. "I'm going to untie you now." She straddled his waist, and reached around to untie him. When she was done with it, she flung it to the side. "Well, now what?" 

"That's really up to you... Ms. Moss." 

She removed his shirt, followed by his t-shirt, as he grew increasingly frustrated. 

She lifted herself up just enough to position herself over his cock. With his hands finally free, he wrapped his arms around her, helping her sink down. She sighed as he entered her. 

He held her hips as they found their rhythm. She gripped at his shoulders, her fingers clenching the skin there, her head thrown back. 

Josh took one hand from her hip and drew his fingers lower, lower, until he located her clit. He knew when he'd found it by the sighs escaping Donna's mouth. 

His fingers quickened with intensity as she continued to rise and fall. "We've gotten so good at this," she managed to gasp. He pulled her closer with one arm, taking her nipple into his mouth. The combined efforts began to cause shortness of breath as she gasped for air, her moans becoming increasingly insistent. 

"Jooosh," she moaned. 

When she climaxed, she stopped moving as she fought to catch her breath. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders; she kissed his temple. 

"Hey, Donna? I'm still..." 

She pulled her head up and looked him in the eye. "Roll over." He resisted a snide remark as they maneuvered themselves so Josh was on top. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he thrust inside of her. 

"Donnaaa," he moaned as he continued to push inside of her. When he climaxed, he stilled for a moment, lost in feeling. 

Josh moved off of her quickly, kissing her shoulder as he lay down on his back, his heart beating rapidly from physical exertion. 

He was starting to drift off when she gently thumped his chest. "Yes," he said with a happy sigh. 

"I'm not done." 

"But I thought..." He trailed off. This wasn't the time to argue. Josh turned on his side, one hand snaking up to her breast. 

"Mmm," she mumbled in reply. 

He let his hand slowly drift down her stomach and between her legs. He touched her clit, his fingers rubbing a small rhythm. 

When she began to snore a minute later, that was his tip-off that she was asleep. He pulled the blankets up and over their bodies, and kissed her goodnight. 

\+ 

Jamie settled on her back, her body snuggled into Amy's. "A new record," she reported happily. 

"Indeed." 

"Our bodies just respond well to each other. I'm sure it's something scientific." 

"Yeah." 

She nuzzled Amy's neck. "I love when orgasms make you speechless." 

Amy turned her head so she could kiss Jamie's bare shoulder. "Are you hungry?" 

"No." 

"We didn't have dinner." 

Jamie nodded. "I could make a lesbian oral sex joke right now, but I'll refrain from that." 

"Good. Are you cold?" 

"No, I'm fine... what's with the questions?" 

She curled into Jamie's body. "I'm concerned for your well-being." Amy moved her head lower on Jamie's skin until she reached her right nipple. She applied her lips, and sucked. 

Jamie sighed, stroking Amy's hair. "I'm totally ready for a ninth round." 

Amy took her mouth off of Jamie's skin, thinking momentarily about how tired she was. She stared at the digital numbers on the clock, startled by the thought of rethinking sex. She stifled a yawn and took a deep breath. 

With her mouth poised above Jamie's torso, she muttered, "Round nine..." 

\+ 

The alarm woke them both, though Donna was closer. She thumped it until it became silent, and rolled over to thump Josh. "Why did you do that to me?" she moaned, still half-asleep. 

He yawned, shrugging. "I'm unpredictable. I think I was going to attempt the gym." He kissed her naked collarbone and climbed out of the warm, soft bedding. 

Josh flinched from the cold air hitting his naked body. He glared at the bed. "I'm doing this for you, you know. ‘Josh, you need to take care of your heart.' ‘Josh, you need more exercise and sex does not count.' ‘Josh--" She threw a pillow at him, and he caught it. "Thanks." 

He stumbled to his suitcase and pulled out a shirt and sweatpants. When he pulled on his boxer briefs, he looked again to the bed. He had nothing to say; he just liked looking at her when she was sleeping. He dressed quickly, and headed out the door. 

\+ 

She sighed in the mirror when she saw him enter. 

"Hey," he said, locating a treadmill. 

At six AM, they were the only people in the exercise room. 

Amy pedaled faster. "So. Are you engaged yet?" 

He adjusted the speed and incline. "I'm working out. I don't want to talk." 

"I ask if you're engaged, and that's what you have to say to me?" She took a large gulp of water from her Nalgene bottle and looked straight ahead. 

"I'm not," he said as he began running. "We didn't have time." He winced as pain from last night shot through his knees and back. 

"You didn't stretch before running," she observed, looking over to him. "Or are we all stretched out from late night exertions?" 

"I don't know. Are we?" he asked, emphasizing his last word. 

"I meant that as-- I didn't mean it that way." 

"Yeah, okay." 

"But does that upset you in some way?" she pressed. "I don't care that you've been sleeping with Donna for, I don't know, centuries." 

"I haven't been," he said weakly. 

It was her turn to say, "Yeah, okay." 

"It doesn't upset me. I'm just surprised." He stared at her water bottle longingly. "Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in lesbians," he mumbled. 

Her head snapped towards him. "I'm sorry?" 

Josh thought about denying his words, but he knew that pursuit would be futile. "Donna's sister got married last year to the Fed. Chair's daughter, and now you and your... life partner. I'm drowning in lesbians." 

"First of all, dating a woman doesn't make me a lesbian." She changed the resistance on the stationary bike. "You would sound a lot less idiotic if you didn't use phrases like ‘life partner' about someone I've been dating for a few months. And you're not drowning in anything. You're not a lesbian. The President isn't a lesbian. Your girlfriend isn't a lesbian." She watched him as she drank from her bottle. "Or maybe she is. I don't know." 

"Can you not... say that ever again?" 

"J, are we a little bit homophobic?" 

He shook his head. "No. Not at all. But Donna's not a lesbian, so don't even say--" 

"How do you know she's not a lesbian? And stop smirking, I don't want to hear that ‘you just know' with that smug, patriarchal expression on your face." 

He held that particular remark and expression. Instead, he replied, "I would greatly appreciate if we stopped talking about this." 

She leaned back slightly in her seat. "Wow. Okay. You'd greatly appreciate it. I guess we're set, then." 

They worked out in silence, save for the labored breaths that left their bodies. 

"Why are you up at six?" he finally asked. 

"Why are you?" 

Josh changed the pace on his machine and his run became a jog. "I work out every morning." 

"Is that under Donna's request?" Amy asked sweetly. 

"No," he said. Then, "Yeah. Maybe. A little." He shook his head. "Sometimes I can't keep up with her." Amy raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "I never thought about the difference in age. It wasn't an issue until... I realized it was an issue. I'm going to die years before her anyway, but I'm going to try to stay here as long as possible." He paused, staring at his reflection. "Dehydration makes me share more than I should. Could I...?" he asked, slowing on the treadmill. She nodded for him and held out her Nalgene bottle. 

"Thanks," he said, unscrewing the cap and taking a long sip. Josh wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, handing it back. "I've never said that out loud. Lucky you," he said, standing next to her as she kept pedaling. 

"Sometimes I.. can't keep up," she told him, her eyes briefly flashing up to meet his. "She's so young and spry and..." she trailed off. 

"How old is--" 

"Thirty," Amy answered quickly. Josh couldn't tell if she was ashamed by that or not. "Jamie was seven when I entered law school." She turned her head away from Josh, lost in thought. He went back to his treadmill. 

"Donna's turning thirty-two this year," he said, starting his run. "I guess... I can relate?" 

Amy sighs, slowing her pace. "It's not actually all that different, Josh." 

"You're sleeping with a woman!" 

"So are you." 

He concentrated on his running. 

"It's about intimacy," she continued. "Never mind the actual sex act, although if I may editorialize, I've found that a penis just gets in the way. It's about two people being connected." She sipped her water. "It's sad. You and I were never intimate. We couldn't be." 

"We were... connected." 

"No, we weren't. You were never really with me, J. I got pieces of you." She shrugged, tying back her hair with a rubber band. 

Josh slowed his pace, his breathing shallow. "See, I know you're trying to say something, but it's just not--" 

"Half of you was always at work... or with Donna. It was, you know, a reality I could live with. But not forever." 

"I was devoted to you." 

She shook her head. "No, you weren't. And I wasn't devoted to you. Nobody asked for devotion." 

Josh checked the screen to see how far he'd run. "I did love you," he said quietly, his voice almost inaudible over the whirring of workout machines. 

She heard him, though. "I know." He saw her face contort, as she looked poised to share something with him. But her face quickly went blank, and she shook her head. "You love her more." 

He nodded confidently. "Are you in love?" 

"No," she said bashfully. 

"Just tell me that it freaks you out that you're Jamie and Amy." 

"Josh." 

"Seriously. Jamie and Amy. What if this is long-term? That's a lifetime of cutesy jokes you'll have to suffer through." 

She slowed her pedaling. "I'll just have to make do." Amy moved off of the machine, standing up to stretch. "What are you doing today?" 

"Donna's going to learn how to ski." 

"Don't they have snow in Minnesota?" 

"I'm sure they do, but she's from Wisconsin." 

"Whatever. It's one of those snowy, middle-y places." She spread her legs hip-width apart, and bent at the waist. When he realized he was checking out her ass, he looked away. 

He made a mental note to stop impulses like that. 

"I'm teaching her how to ski," he said quickly. "Even though I'm not from one of those snowy, middle-y places." 

"I got the general region," she said, picking up her bottle. "I'll see you, Josh." 

She walked out, leaving him with a plethora of thoughts to think. 

\+ 

"Are you sure?" Donna asked for the third time. She stood near the chair lift, trying to coax Josh on with her. For the third time, he shook his head no. 

"I'm fine on, uh, this trail. Just, you know, getting back into the swing of--" 

"Okay," she said. She shifted closer to him, her skis on either side of his. She pulled her goggles up to her forehead, and unzipped her jacket so her mouth was exposed. "This is quite a challenge," she mumbled as she pulled down the collar of his jacket. 

When she was finally able to kiss him, she did. "Bye," she murmured against his mouth. She zipped back up, placing the goggles over her eyes. "We'll meet around... three?" 

As Donna backed away, he looked to his wrist out of habit. "My watch is under three layers." 

"Huh. Me too. Well, ask around. I'll see you in a bit!" She waved a puffy gloved-hand at him as she skied towards the line for the chair lift. She stood in line, exhilarated by the thought of skiing down the mountain. Wind in her face, the air whipping her hair around... 

Caught up in her own Olympics competition, she skied forward and waited with another woman for the chair lift to come closer. The chair swung closer, and bumped the women to a sitting position as it took off and lifted into the air. 

Donna's legs swung free, weighed slightly by her skis. She looked down at people finishing the trail, and she breathed in fresh, cold air. 

She looked for a moment at the woman next her, feeling the urge to engage in small talk. She didn't want to assume the woman spoke English, but she thought she'd just be polite. 

"Have you skied before?" she asked the woman. 

The woman next to her looked at her sharply. Then, she removed her goggles, wincing in the bright light. "Donna?" 

Donna nodded, then dropped her ski poles. 

"Sorry!" she yelled below, although it was doubtful anyone could hear her. "Amy?" 

Amy nodded, her eyes wide. 

Donna took her goggles off, squinting through the brightness of the snow and light. "What... what are you doing here?" 

"Skiing. I like to ski," she said casually, as if she were speaking to a stranger. 

"Really," Donna said weakly. "Great. Do you... like Austria?" 

Amy nodded, smiling impulsively. "Beautiful weather." 

"Beautiful," Donna echoed, agreeing. "Beautiful snow." 

Amy nodded again. 

They both looked away at the same time as awkward silence filled the space around them. Donna looked forlornly at the ground and her missing poles. Amy looked at the trees that lined the trail. 

"So how have you been, Amy?" Donna asked brightly. Amy winced. 

"Good. I've been... good. I'm with the Feminist Majority." 

"How do you like it?" 

"It's great." 

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." Donna sighed as she saw the end of the chair lift far in the distance. "You know, Josh is doing well." 

Amy seemed confused. "...yeah?" 

"I just thought you'd... you know what? Never mind." 

Amy peered down, as if weighing the option of jumping off the chair lift. "What, Donna?" 

"I just thought you'd want to know about Josh," she said quickly. She looked away. 

"Donna, he told me that you're together and I'm fine with it," Amy placated. 

Donna nodded absentmindedly. Then, she found a question she needed an answer to. She turned her head slowly. "When did you speak with him?" she asked casually. 

"Well, yesterday, this mo--" Amy stopped speaking when the realization hit her. "He didn't... this is the longest ride of my life," she mumbled. 

Donna looked straight ahead. "He... he didn't tell me?" She nodded to herself, pressing her lips together. "I'm gonna kill him." 

"While I'm all for that, I think you should exercise some compassion. I'm sure he--" 

"Thanks. I'll be sure to do that." She suddenly became aware of how high up they were. 

"He was probably unsure how to tell you that I was here with my girlfriend." Donna's eyes went wide, so she continued. "Jamie Rosenberg--" 

"From HRW?" Donna said, unable to hide the smile on her face. "Lovely woman." 

"Yep," Amy said, look relieved. Girl talk. An area in which they could safely speak with each other. "She's wonderful. Four months." 

"You don't say." 

"So you should be... less mad at Josh," Amy reminded as they finally approached the end of the ride. 

"Why do you care?" 

Amy shrugged. "I just don't think it's very wise. Knowing him, he's in absolute agony, and that's exactly where I think you should leave him. If you get angry, then you become the bad person." 

Donna stopped, mid-nod. "That's an awful lot of strategy." 

"I like to be prepared," Amy said as the chair reached the end and they skied off the ramp. They stood, awkwardly. "Well." 

"Thanks for..." Donna began, but she had no impulse to finish that sentence. "Enjoy your run," was all she said. 

Amy started to go, but looked back. "You're in a jam, aren't you." 

Donna nodded. "Pole-less. I'll figure something out." 

Amy pointed, with one pole, towards the Ski Patrol building at the end of the chair lift. "They have extra poles, maybe?" She was about to offer her a pole, when she realized the ridiculousness of that situation. Amy lowered her pole to the ground. 

"I'll take care of this." She started off towards the building. "Thanks," Donna threw over her shoulder as an afterthought. 

She concentrated, moving slowly and concisely. When she turned on an impulse, she watched Amy sweep down the mountain at a curiously fast pace. Donna muttered, "Fuck," for no parti 

Amy watched her go for a moment, critiquing the slow, concise path Donna took. Amy turned towards the slope, and began sweeping down the mountain as fast as she could go. 

\+ 

Donna didn't yell at Josh when he met her. He leaned in to give her reddened cheek a kiss, and she accepted it graciously. 

She did not mention her encounter. 

They went back to the hotel, where she was quiet but not sullen. 

Donna stripped off layers of clothes, silently, as Josh talked about the opera. His nervous chatter about the music they'd hear tonight was almost sweet; his desire to prove his emotional health to her was almost endearing. 

Almost. 

She sat on the bed in a long sleeved t-shirt and boxers she'd pilfered from him at some point. As she weighed the options in her mind, her eyes caught on a robin's egg blue box. 

For a moment, she softened. On a trip to New York, she'd forced him into Tiffany & Co. for a moment as she perused the counters. There had been this beautiful pair of unaffordable Elsa Peretti earrings that she had been coveting through the catalogue. When she tried them on, she had just about died. 

She looked between Josh and the box. She wondered how he could be so thoughtful and so horribly thoughtless in one weekend. 

Josh started talking about a gaffe that Ed, or Larry, had made in a meeting with the Prime Minister of Japan. She took a moment to wonder why either of them would have been in that meeting, and then let it go. Donna stared out the window. 

She had decided silence was for the best. Really. But then, "Josh, I know," just came tumbling out of her mouth. 

He turned to look at her, and his eyes caught on the box. "This wasn't... it's not a thing, don't wo--" 

"I didn't think it was a... thing." She realized she had no idea what they were talking about. "I was on the chair lift with her, which is about as fun as it sounds." 

Josh's edged towards his suitcase. "I'm sorry you saw her." He casually kicked the box under a sweater he'd thrown to the floor. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Donna asked, partly to herself. 

He immediately sat beside her, his hand falling to her knee. "I thought we wouldn't see her, and I just couldn't think of how to say--" 

"Your strategy was, hope that I don't notice her?" 

"...no. Well, yeah. I was going to tell you. But it's complica--" 

"She told me about Jamie," Donna interrupted. She turned her head and looked out the window. "I really thought she was going to stop being an issue." 

"She's not an issue," he countered, standing up. He began to pace unconsciously. "I knew you'd be angry if I told you, and angry if I didn't. What was I supposed to do?" 

She held her hands up, palms facing out. "Hey, don't get upset with me. You saw her once--" 

"Twice." 

She glared at him. "You saw her twice without telling me. Twice. That's not what passes for trust." 

Josh sat far away from Donna on the bed. "Don't trust me, I really don't care," he muttered. 

They sat in absolute silence for a few moments. If they were to look objectively at the situation, they'd see that they sat in identical, hunched over positions. 

"I want us to be honest," she said. "Josh, we spent years ignoring the unspoken. I can't go back." 

He grunted his response. 

She got up and sat closer to him. Donna took his one hand in hers, their fingers laced together. She stared at this union as she spoke. "I'm not mad. Well. I was. I do understand why you didn't tell me. But do you really think so little of me? That I'd just be furious and not actually listen to you?" Her questions were rhetorical, but he shook his head as he looked into her sad eyes. "I want us to be honest," she said again after a long moment. 

"Okay." 

With her other hand, she rubbed his arm. "Is there anything--" 

"Yes. I mean, no. What.. you're right. But can I just... never mind." 

She kissed his jawbone lightly. "You want to know if I'm a lesbian, too?" 

Josh snorted. "No. No. That's not what I was... have you? Been with a... woman?" 

She thought for a moment, and nodded confidently. "Allison Bartram. Was I a fresh... no. I was a sophomore. She had beautiful skin and," she sighed, "green eyes. And a beautiful mouth." 

Josh let utter shock crowd his face. "You what?" 

As much as she enjoyed his torture, she decided to clarify. "I developed a huge, unexpected crush on her. We did some kissing and... other things at a party. I didn't know what I was doing." Donna shook her head -- to brush the moment away, and dismiss the girl she had been. "Can I ask you about...?" 

"No. As in, no, I'm not into--" 

"Really. Because I had heard things about Sam and--" He covered her mouth with his hand, staring directly into her eyes. 

"Sam and I have always been just good friends. Despite the rumors that Mandy may throw around." He said that last part mainly to himself as he lowered his hand. 

"You know, Allison and I were just ‘good friends.'" 

When he hit her with a pillow, she was actually able to smile. 

\+ 

"I just can't believe you saw her," Jamie said for the third time. She admired her dress in the mirror as she spoke to Amy. "The odds of that are... well, they're astronomical." She dabbed perfume behind her ears and between her breasts. 

"Why are you wearing my dress?" Amy asked as she checked her e-mail on Jamie's laptop. 

"Because it looks better on me." 

Amy looked over and studied the way the dress flowed on her girlfriend. She shrugged, returning to her e-mail. "She looks good in a white snow suit. How detestable is that?" 

"Are you going to get dressed?" 

"Yeah. I need to reply to Connor, though." She looked up and watched Jamie pull on Doc Martens. She smiled. "Did you get any work done today?" 

Jamie let out a frustrated sigh. "I hate Qumar." 

"Don't we all," Amy replied as she finished her e-mail. 

"I really do, though. My assistant has been sending memo after memo, information that I'm not sure I should have. This stuff I'm getting is just..." She shook her head, unwilling to process the research she read today. "Makes me feel violent. I wanna go out there, Dirty Harry, and just kick their asses in." 

Amy pulled her glasses off, setting them on the keyboard. "Dirty Harry?" 

Jamie relented. "Okay, I don't really want to counter violence with violence. But revenge is tempting." Amy raised an eyebrow. "Do you see a gun or grenade in my hands? I'm fine. I'm a little bit pissed off, but this new division is just a bit more intense." 

"I think the work you do is too brutal. Before you worked on Qumar, it was sexual violence and domestic violence and trafficking... if you're not careful, you're going to morph into a Lesbian Separatist." She stood, walking to the mirror and standing beside Jamie. She kissed her bare shoulder on the way to the bathroom. 

"The world is brutal," Jamie said as she leaned in the doorway. "I have to do this work. If I remember correctly, you used to do this work." Amy slipped off her tank top, her breasts swinging as she reached down to remove her sweatpants. 

"You all thrive on the archetype of women as victims. You're not empowering these women," she said as she brushed past Jamie. "You sweep in -- temporarily -- to assuage the situation, without taking proper preventative measures to keep these women permanently safe." Amy sorted through Jamie's suitcase, triumphantly locating a black dress. 

"You didn't seem to have this problem when you collaborated efforts with the HRW," Jamie countered, hoping her words sounded more angry than they seemed. 

"I'm not trying to level the HRW. Good work is done, I know that. But more can always be done," she said as she pulled on the dress. 

"Good work can always be done, but that doesn't solely apply to me. Everyone should do more," she responded, wishing bitterly for a cigarette. She went to her bag and pulled out her pack. "Besides the fact that we do as much as humanly possible. We are a presence, and that relieves me." 

"How do you go from being Dirty Harry to being a ‘presence?'" Amy presented her back, waiting to be zipped up. 

Jamie zipped her, going a bit too fast. The zipper nicked Amy's back, and she yelped. "Fine, you're Dirty Harry." She rubbed her back with some difficulty. 

"I don't understand... I don't understand how you can rant and rave about the patriarchal culture of the Middle East, and how we need to ‘take them down--'" 

"First of all, I do not rant and rave. And I didn't say that." 

"Feminist Majority fundraiser. Last month." 

Amy pulled on heels, trying to stay balanced on her feet. "I said that we need to free women and remove tyrants." 

Jamie sighed as she became increasingly frustrated. "What I find troubling is the hypocrisy. I say, out of anger and exhaustion, that I feel violent towards a country that engages in the federalized hatred of women. When you can say--" 

Amy stopped her with a kiss. "I'm wrong. Let's go to the opera." She grabbed her coat and bag, pulling Jamie out the door. 

"What just happened?" she asked, bewildered, as they walked towards the elevators. "Did you just say--" 

"This isn't going anywhere because you're right. I second the desire for the ass kicking, and I'm wrong if I say otherwise." When they reached the elevator, Amy put her arm around Jamie. "I always think you'll be better than me. A better person. You usually are, but it's... okay that you're not. I like that you're not perfect all the time." She leaned over and kissed her. 

The elevator announced itself and they both entered. 

Jamie wasn't sure what just happened. She realized this as she and Amy slumped against the wall, their fingers wound together. 

"Amy, I'm not really sure what you're saying." 

Amy shrugged, staring at the descending numbers. "Me neither." 

\+ 

They walked into the cold and crystalline night, her arm wound around his. They barely spoke, except for when she whispered, "I'm very proud of you." 

He had made it through the entire performance; for the most part, he felt intact. Josh knew it was time and therapy that had helped him heal, but he knew credit was due to another individual. 

She had held on to him the entire time. 

"You're amazing," he said quietly, as they passed groups and couples in conversation. He had stopped walking to properly look at her. 

Donna looked away, his gaze too intense. "I didn't do anything. It was all you," she told him, as she once again his gaze. 

It was his turn to look away. He thought of the ring box, and how he couldn't think of a proper way to give it to her. He wasn't going to get down on one knee, he couldn't think of words to express... but he knew it was tonight. 

"The music was beautiful," he said. "I thought it was the perfect blend of--" She cut him off, cupping his chin and bringing his mouth to meet hers. They exchanged a kiss as snowflakes began to fall. 

"Wouldn't it be great if I had planned that?" she said, smiling, her body pressed to his. She watched the snowflakes start to increase. 

Josh felt a tap on the shoulder. Immediately, he knew it could only be one person. He turned slowly to greet Amy. 

Amy attempted a small smile as Jamie scowled and smoked her cigarette. "I wanted to say hi. I saw you inside, but I..." She looked to Donna, and then she looked to Jamie. "This is Jamie. Jamie, this is Josh and Donna." She winced at the way their names fit together. 

Jamie switched her cigarette to the opposite hand as she shook hands with them. "Nice to meet you," she said, taking a drag of her cigarette. "Did you enjoy the performance?" 

Donna nodded. "Breathtaking. I love Bach." 

"Donna has a thing for Bach and cellos. And Yo-Yo Ma." After he said that, he wasn't sure why he'd spoken. He felt so nervous about later, he didn't feel in control of his words. 

She smiled politely. "It's true. He played at the..." Donna trailed off. 

The awkward silence that followed lasted much longer than it should, as people's minds drifted to hypothetical and real PTSD episodes, what Amy wasn't saying, how to ask a woman to marry you, and how long you had to stand here before going back to the hotel for vacation sex. 

\+ 

He took her hand as they walked slowly to the door. "You wanna... get a drink first? Let's go downstairs." 

"No, I'm feeling tired," she answered. Then she looked at him strangely. "Why are you holding my hand?" 

"It's not unusual." 

"It's not, but you're sort of holding on for dear life. Is something the matter? You look a little pale." She looked into his eyes for a moment before seeking out the keycard in her purse. "Are you okay?" 

He nodded, numb and nervous. 

They entered the room, Donna walking behind Josh. She shut the door and set the dead bolt, trying to ignore the feelings of guilt flying around her head. 

"So you're... tired? Donna?" She nodded her response as he stared at his suitcase. 

They settled into getting ready for bed, both preoccupied with fears they could not voice. 

When she climbed into bed, she opened her Harry Potter book and twirled a lock of hair. Unable to actually concentrate, she thought back to when Josh had given her this book for Christmas. She groaned to think of Christmas, and Josh, and the music tonight, and... 

"Donna?" He walked into the room, toothbrush in hand. "Everything okay?" 

She shook her head, and her eyes fell to the bedspread. Josh set his toothbrush on the bedside table. He laid down in bed next to her, looking at her but not too closely. He closed her book, setting it aside. 

"What's wrong?" he asked. 

"You've been... actually, I'm okay. Really. I'm just tired." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah." He nodded, moving to get up, when she stopped him. "Are you okay? You seem so shaken up." Quickly, she amended her statement. "Not that anything should shake you up. Everything's been so wonderful. Amazing. But is there any chance--" 

"Donna, what are you saying?" 

She took a deep breath. "How was the concert?" 

"What? It was fine." He stared at her hand. "I felt a little distracted. But it was gre--" 

Josh was unable to finish his thought because she launched herself at his body and held on tight. "I'm sorry about the music. I thought you'd be okay, but then you looked so upset and, and, I don't know what." She kissed his cheek tenderly. "I'm so sorry." 

Josh got off the bed, striding towards his suitcase, and removed the box Donna had spied earlier. 

He swallowed apprehensively as he sat down next to her on the bed. Donna smiled at the box. "Is that what I think it is?" 

"I hope... I hope it is." 

She opened the package delicately, giving him small glances as she undid the ribbon and-- 

"This isn't earrings," were the first words out of her mouth. She wished she could take them back as she stared, transfixed, by the diamond ring. 

"Would you prefer earrings?" 

"No," she said hurriedly. "No," she said again, emphatically. "So this is..." 

"Yeah." Then, "I got it from a gum ball machine." He looked at her tentatively and saw she wasn't smiling. "It's a... Tiffany setting." 

Donna nodded. 

"Do you like it?" he asked quietly. 

"I'm not... sure yet. That's okay, right?" Josh shrugged, confused. "It's beautiful. It's really... wow." She started to laugh. "I didn't expect this. I like it, it's gorgeous. But it's... well, you haven't actually--" 

"Right," he nodded, admonishing his brain. "Donna?" 

"Yes?" 

"Will you marry me," Josh asked quietly, his head bent slightly as if in prayer. 

She bit her lip, staring at the box in her hands. "When did you get this? I'm surprised that you were able to--" 

"I got it last month," he told her, his eyes looking up eagerly. 

"I thought it was earrings." 

"It's not... earrings. You sound kind of disappointed. If you want, I can--" 

"No," she said quickly, unsure whether he was kidding or not. "It's just..." 

"Unanticipated?" he supplied, but she shook her head. Then, changing her mind, she nodded. 

"You want to marry me." 

He couldn't help but let out a short laugh. "Yes, I do." 

She nodded. "Huh." 

"You haven't said yes. You also haven't..." he slipped the ring onto her finger, "tried it on." Donna looked down at her hand, admiring how shiny it all seemed. 

What she liked best was how awkward he was; he had obviously never tried to put a ring on another woman's hand. "What makes you think I'm going to say yes?" she asked lightly. 

He asked softly, "Why would you say no?" 

Donna looked to the side, her eyes settling on the drapes. She sighed deeply. "I want to marry you because this is my life. I love you. You and me..." She covered her mouth and smiled, her face tight with the threat of tears. "I want to be your wife, and I want to be married to you," she said, her voice thick. 

"But I can't marry you because that puts limits to what I can feel and who I am to you." She shook her head, feeling plagued. "My worst fear is to become Mrs. Lyman." 

"You can keep your name," he said weakly. 

She ignored that, pressing on. "I want to marry you, but what does that mean for me? Do I become your partner? Or your wife. The mother of your children. The woman who loves you but loves throwing dinner parties more." 

"We could be like Ben and Sally." 

She wondered when he'd stop making inane comments. "I love Ben and Sally. She's tremendous. But I want more, and I'm scared that marrying you means that I won't have anything else." 

"You're just laying that honesty on, aren't you." He crossed his arms over his chest. "What makes you think you'll stop being you?" 

Donna reached out to touch his thigh. "Like I said, it's a fear." She looked up, into his eyes. "Tell me it won't happen." He put one hand to her cheek, and moved in to kiss her. When he pulled away, she licked her lips and opened her eyes. "Tell me it won't happen," she said softly. 

He touched her neck, his hand dropping down to stroke her shoulder. "I never want you to be someone else." 

She looked into his eyes for a moment, and decided she saw nothing but truth. Donna kissed him. 

She traced his wrinkles. "Yes." 

Josh pulled her hands off his face. "Yes?" She nodded. 

He stared at her newly ornamented hand. "I was going to throw the box at your head. I figured that'd get a response." 

She didn't know how to proceed now; she didn't think that being engaged would feel different. "You would've certainly gotten a response," she said lamely. 

He kissed her softly, stroking the side of her neck. "I love you," he whispered. She blinked, smiled, and returned his kiss. 

\+ 

Awkward silence filled their room, an event that rarely happened between them. They lay side-by-side, their shoulders touching. They stared blankly at the ceiling. They pretended to be asleep; Amy even tossed out a few fake snores. 

"There's something you're not saying," Jamie finally said. "And you're going to not say it for days, so I'd much rather force you into a corner now." 

"Why can't I have a relationship where the other person isn't having a nutty every five minutes? Seriously. I was good in this life. Or in my past life, whatever. Why can't someone normal just sweep in?" Amy mused aloud. 

"Because you're not normal?" Jamie offered. She turned on her side to look at Amy, and tenderly brushed hair off of her forehead. "What's bothering you?" 

"Are you seriously asking me?" 

Jamie frowned. "As opposed to what?" 

Amy shook her head, causing hair to fall on her forehead. "You were astonishingly beautiful that night." 

"What night?" She reached up and gently yanked on Jamie's hair. Amy curled a tendril of her girlfriend's hair around her finger. 

"Outside the Melissa Ferrick concert." 

Jamie buried her head in Amy's shoulder. "There's nothing gayer than picking someone up outside of a Melissa Ferrick concert." 

"I wasn't trying to pick you up," Amy protested, as Jamie nuzzled against her neck. "I was outside about welfare reauthorization." 

"No kidding, I was outside about welfare reauthorization, too." 

"I believe we cleared that up months ago." Amy nodded solemnly against Jamie's cheek. "You were yelling louder than I was, that's the only reason I noticed you. And then you stormed over and asked for a light. Why did I say yes?" 

Jamie kissed the soft skin behind Amy's ear. "Because I was astonishingly beautiful?" 

"I was also amazingly pissed about the legislation." 

"Yeah-- that, too. And then you told me that smoking is ignorant, and I should cease immediately." 

"Oh, I did not say that. I'm sure I called you a schmuck somewhere in there," Amy teased. She turned her head, just slightly, and kissed Jamie chastely. 

When she removed her lips, they went back to staring at the ceiling. "I meant to tell you, Risa Goldbaum wrote a thing on Global Gag. I had your assistant seek it out for you," Amy told her. 

"Thanks," Jamie said softly. She lifted her head. "Is it raining?" 

"No." 

"Oh, I thought I heard rain," Jamie responded absentmindedly. Then, quickly, she asked, "Are we long-term? It's okay if we're not, but I'm gonna need to know that." 

"What are you talking about?" 

Jamie put her head down, frustrated. "This is fun, I mean, I love this, Amy. What if I want this to be serious?" 

"We're in Austria. I'd say that's pretty serious." 

"Amy." 

Amy wrapped one arm solidly around Jamie's middle, turning into her. "Whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere." Jamie's eyes went wide with surprise, but then her expression slid into comfort. She kissed Amy, stroking her neck in short, warm movements. 

"I'm not going anywhere, either," Jamie whispered. 

Amy smiled, kissing her gently on the mouth. 

\+ 

They finished getting ready for bed, finally settling in for the night. Donna curled up into Josh's side. "Shouldn't we be having Engagement Sex?" he asked suddenly, raising his head. 

"I think sex is mostly engaging, don't you?" she deadpanned. 

"Ha. Seriously," he said, turning onto his side. "Don't you think we should--" 

"Josh, you want to seriously talk about this?" 

"...no." 

"Okay. Can I go to sleep?" He shook his head and poked her side. "Ow. What was that--" 

"We have two phone calls to make." 

She stared at him, bewildered. "To who?" 

"I think you mean ‘whom,' Donna." Josh picked up the phone, and spent about five minutes trying to call the right number. When he finally figured it out, he changed it to speakerphone, and put it in the middle of the bed. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi, Mom." 

"Joshua, hello! How is Vienna? It's still beautiful, I imagine." 

Josh rolled his eyes at Donna. "It's still beautiful. Listen, I just wanted you to know. She said yes." 

Silence. 

"Mom, are you--" 

"Wow. I mean, not that I thought she would say no, but this is... is Donna there? I'd like to say hello." 

"I'm here. Hi, Elyse," Donna spoke up. 

"Hello, dear. Welcome to our family." 

Donna swallowed, a nervous smile filling her lips. "Thank you," she said, choked. "How are you doing?" 

"Wonderful, sweetheart, thank you for asking. Listen, I don't want to keep you two. It's late there, I'm sure you two want to-- you know what, I'm not going to go there. Have a nice weekend, okay?" 

"Bye, Mom." 

"Good bye, Joshua. I really am... I'm so happy. For both of you. Good night, Donna! Let me know if you need any help with preparations." 

"Preparations?" she mouthed to Josh. He shrugged. "Thank you, Elyse. Good night." 

They heard her hang up. Donna sighed. "I didn't even start to think of prepara... this is going to be hell, isn't it?" 

"Come on, you've been thinking about your wedding day since you were five," Josh said as he dialed the next number. 

"Thanks, darling, for grouping me into a gender stereotype. For your information, I do not spend countless hours dreaming up what my bridesmaids will wear. I don't have time to strategize this entire--" 

"Can you relax, please? We'll figure this out together." She gave him a look. "Okay, I'll be giving you assistance sporadically. Use Izzie or your mom. Or my mom, she just offered--" 

"You want me to ask my mother for help on a wedding ceremony involving you?" 

"Do you think she's going to disown you if you marry me?" 

Donna lay back against the headboard. "Yeah, this is going to be a walk in the park, isn't it." 

"So you lovebirds are getting hitched, aren't you," Sam asked from the speakerphone. 

"She said yes, and she's thrilled. Can't you tell?" Josh responded sarcastically. 

Donna had to work hard not to hit him with her pillow. "Sam, how are you?" 

"I'm doing exceptionally well. I had a tuxedo fitting today, and I looked rather dashing, if I do say so myself." 

"Lots of governing going on in California?" Josh asked. 

"I also got a facial. I'm ecstatic for you two, really. When's the big day?" 

They looked at each other. "Far away," Donna answered. 

"More accurately, Donna has now changed her mind about planning a wedding, so it's on hold indefini--" 

"You should talk to Meg about planning, Donna. She absolutely hated the thought of calling one caterer, but she's really come around. She's actually--" 

"She also has the Governor's staff at her disposal," Donna interrupted. 

"Well, that's hard to deny. Anyway, give her a call. You can commiserate together." 

"Or Josh could help me. It's roughly the same thing." 

"Uh, I actually need to go. To a meeting. About the budget. Yup, we're discussing--" 

"It's okay, Governor, you're excused," Josh said, taking the phone off the hook. 

"It's good to hear from you, Josh. I'm glad it went okay." 

"Could've gone worse," he reasoned. 

"That's the spirit. It's going to be fine, Josh. You'll plan the day, the day will happen, and everything will be great. And I'll make a fantastic toast." 

"That's great, Sam, just tell her that." 

"Nah, you tell her. She was starting to yell at me." 

"Okay. Take it easy, Sam." 

They hung up. Immediately, Donna asked, "What should Sam tell me?" 

Josh rolled over, half on top of her. "Sam said, Donna should remember how lucky she is to be marrying such an amazing and powerful man." 

Her face stayed expressionless. "What did Sam say?" 

"He'll make a fantastic toast at the reception," Josh said, yawning. He moved off of Donna, and shifted their bodies close, snuggled together. "You still want to marry me, right?" 

She turned her head to kiss his cheek. "That's a stupid question." 

"...okay, but you still want to--" 

"Yes, Josh." 

They were quiet for a moment, until he asked, "And you don't want to sleep with any women, do you?" 

"I knew this wasn't going to go away easily," she sighed. "Josh, it was a million and a half years ago. I'm not that girl anymore, and even if I was... do you want to sleep with any women?" 

"Besides you, no." 

"Really?" 

"If Julia Roberts came knocking on my door, I think I'd let her in. Otherwise--" 

"Okay." She relaxed into him. "Why did you... Why did you ask me to marry you?" 

"Because I... I don't know. It seems like what I want to do. It seems like the right time." 

"It's been the right time for eight years. Why now?" 

"I don't agree with that assessment of the situation. It's taken time and... look, ‘girlfriend' is not an acceptable label. That's not who you are to me. To call you my wife..." He stopped speaking for a moment. His silence ended with a cough, and tightening his arms around her waist. "Marrying you is the closest definition for how I feel about you." 

"Well," was all she could say. 

Josh began to fall asleep, his body relaxing next to hers. 

She whispered, "I love you," into the dark. 

His arms tightened around her again.


End file.
